7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

My Night At The Opera!

I don’t care what anyone else says, Opera is cool!!! On Saturday the 10th, I attended Bizet’s Carmen in Tacoma. It was sooooo much fun. My mom and I left our house at 5pm for the 8 o’clock showing. Thus started the long driving through the rain to our evening of fun!

Actually, the fun started before we left, trying to decide what to wear. It was an Opera, everyone dresses up! Some of the older women wear furs and evening gowns. I wore black slacks and a pale blue sweater with my leather jacket. A lot of the men there were in Suits or even Tuxedos! A few in jeans and t-shirt, but the majority in semi formal wear.

We stopped at McDonalds to grab some dinner on the way up. Yes, I love fast food! The fries were perfect!!!!! While we were there I saw the oddest thing. A truck with a canopy filled with cats!! I’m not kidding there were tons of cats running around in it!

So anyway, the drive up was uneventful. I navigated my way through the construction, found the exit, made one wrong turn then found the theater. Then we circled the block a couple of times trying to find the parking garage. Stupid one way streets….

We got inside as quickly as possible because we forgot to bring an umbrella. It seems to get wetter the farther north we go. Found our seats. I found that they have great prices for the upper seats, and it’s a small theater so you can still see really well. There was a lady sitting close by that was completely oblivious to everyone! She was talking in her loud street voice all night long, and didn’t seem to notice everyone shhh’ing her. I died laughing!

The opera was about to start. The lights went down, and out came an announcer to tell us that 3 members of their cast had been hit with flu! All still performed, but 2 had lost their voices, and had voice-over singers in the orchestra pit. Silence filled the auditorium, then the orchestra started the overture. The curtain started to go up….Hooray!!!!!!

The sets were beautiful, depicting early 19th century Spain. If you don’t know the story of Carmen is a gypsy, she is a total flirt. Has a new guy for every day of the week. All of the men love her. One soldier falls in love with her and helps her escape after being arrested for starting a fight. He is totally obsessed with her. She is also a part time smuggler, and she convinces him to join their rowdy crowd. In the end, when she is going to leave with another guy, he kills her. But over all, the opera is a crack up! My mom said she recognized a lot of the songs from Tom & Jerry cartoons. My favorite character was a Toreador (bull fighter) named Escamillo. The baritone that sang his part was hilarious!

The opera was sung in French with English super titles projected on the wall. I kind of learned to recognize repeating phrases. Very cool! The opera ended at 11pm. It was still raining out side, but we had the magical 3 hour escape to 19th century Spain.

We left for home, and stopped to get a milkshake at 1:30. Got home at about 2am, just in time to set the clocks forward, so in actuality we got home at 3am!!! So ended my Night at the Opera!!! I can’t wait to find my next one!!! *wanders off humming ‘Tra la la la lalalalala!!! Tra la la la lalalalala! Tra la la la lalalalala, Tra lalalalalalaLAAAA!!!!!’*